When my blog is missing I am usually too busy to blog. All blogged out. Yesterday was moving day from one unit to another. And chemotherapy late afternoon before the move. My new room has a bed by a window and plenty of sunshine. That is just the best. Imagine standing up and eating lunch in a wheel chair are both terrific things.
One thought I'm dancing with is, what did I ever imagine about cancer a year ago. Three years ago and before. Yikes, something unwanted was in my body eating me up in an unwanted fashion. Yet, the entire process is quite natural according to the cancer. We just have very different opinions from this time in space. So great medical people are saying that they are going to delay the growth of some cells and they have tools. Radiation starts Tuesday and is going to be Monday through Friday for some number of weeks. And the chemotherapy is still completely without difficulty - I guess it's a good time to have cancer.
After physical therapy today, lunch and a bold geriatric political discussion about Bill Clinton and the DNC (with other inmates), I'm pretending that I'm doing an undercover senior citizen political piece for CNN's iReport. I probably ought to be a little more undercover so I'll now return to my electrical bed.
It is virtually impossible to get a full grasp of where I am and what I'm doing here. One moment I'm with a brilliant doctor mapping out the radiation site. And that's followed up by lunch sitting next to a poor old soul without a lucid thought in his head. I'm somewhere in the middle. In listening to the doctors telling me that I'm in town for the long haul. I believe that's good. At least it will keep the powerless story going along for quite some time. I rarely ask "why" as that would quickly turn to "what". What am I supposed to be learning? What honest degree of rough, hard core education is within this maze of mystical medicine? I'll find out and learn more about life and most certainly the people whose life I impacted.
The hardest part of all of this is communicating the full measure of my illness to people that I love and miss dearly. There are helpful strangers who suggest planning out a funeral. Okay, one massive beach party, a paddle out, steel drum band and plenty of Hawaiian food. That didn't take long. The long part is to "Feel the Heal".
A man long ago and very far away would gather townsmen from far and wide to teach them the art of believing in success. They gathered while sitting upon tree stumps and clumps of straw. As he began his mentoring he asked them all to repeat after him in saying, "Day by day, in every way, I'm getting better and better." That continued for four or five louder to loudest rounds. At the conclusion of the loudest round the man walked away. The crowd was puzzled, picked up their belongings and wandered off toward their distant dwellings. Just mumbling the steadfast mantra, and wondering why they had paid a hefty farthing. So I lovingly state, "Day by day, in every way, I'm getting better and better."
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